Working Mom, Turned Stay at Home Mom, Turned Working Mom

For so many years ~ 5 years, 7 months I was a working mom. I was fortunate enough to be able to bring Jayden to work with me for the 1st year of his life, but after that.... I left him. EVERY, SINGLE DAY... MONDAY-FRIDAY. This changed in 2007 and I was so blessed to be able to become a work at home mom.

I have never had to leave Ella in the care of somebody else. I can't even begin to describe what that means to me.

But here I am after 3 years & 4 months I am back to work.  It's completely a temporary thing, and luckily Gino and I have opposite schedules, so they kids don't have to go into anybody else's care... but, I am feeling extremely bugged about it tonight.

I get home at 3:20pm, and since I've started working Ella has stopped napping.  You can tell when Ella is tired because she starts going into destruction mode then it's get to the point where you can't help but be completely irritated and it's not good.... because it starts when I get home.  So, here I am missing out on the majority of the day with her and I get home and it's not enjoyable.  I look at the clock longing for bedtime... 

and I officially feel like the worst mother EVER.  I hope I tomorrow is better, I hope that she's not exhausted and I'm not exhausted. 

Dear November.... I can't wait til you get here. 

I can't wait til I can wake up in the morning to my sweet little girl's sweet smile and laughter.  

I can't wait to sit lazily at the table eating breakfast while we plan what fun events we'll do during the day together.  

I can't wait to not have to miss out on another moment with her, because her days are now filled without me.... and I don't like it.... at all.

I can't wait to just be with Ella, because she's my best friend and I miss her.  

My life was consumed by her, and now it's consumed with paperwork..... and computers.... and lunch breaks.... and silence.  I haven't heard silence in years.  

I used to think I could never be a stay at home mom.  I used to think it took a special someone to do it, and that special someone could NEVER be me.  But you know what, I can't imagine not being a stay at home mom.  I guess that I am that special someone I never thought I could be.  I hope that I can continue to do whatever it takes to ensure that I'm home with my babies... where my heart is.