Marriage, Life, Church - UGH it's all hard

Life isn't always perfect. Pictures don't always show the whole story. My smile sometimes is a lie. I don't know what is going on right now, but I feel like things are falling apart. It's funny, because in the primary class that I teach we were talking about apostasy and restoration.
There was a time of apostasy on this earth when the fullness of the gospel was taken away. Then when Joseph Smith had the first vision, the start of the restoration started.

I feel as if my family is about to go through the apostasy. Yeah, a little harsh - and I know there are probably a lot of members that know my family that gasping. Life sucks sometimes and I don't know what went wrong.

I for one will say that being a member of this church is hard to be a part of. They ask a lot of you and it's not easy. You get to go to church and see all these "perfect" families that were born into this and have never known a different life and think to yourself, 'Hmmm we'll never be there.' We are not perfect. I don't have a husband that thrives to serve others like all the men in this church seem to do; I have a husband who thinks the world revolves around him and is probably the most narcissistic person that I've ever met. He gives murmuring a whole new meaning. But he's my husband and with or without the church I love him. I'm not perfect.... I have so many faults, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be the Mormon wife, the Mormon mom. But life is not so sugar coated as it seems, well at least not when you're starting out at this so late in life.

I do know this. It's hard, but it's what we're supposed to do. With or without my husband, I will continue to be a member of this church and hope that it gives my children the morals and principles that I want them to have with them for the rest of their lives. Getting up on Sunday and going to church for 3 hours is hard sometimes, but what's 3 hours out of 168 hours? 3 hours out of our week is NOTHING. There are things that my husband doesn't understand. Things he thinks are inconvenient, and I don't know how to go about showing him the reason why we are called to do callings that take our time, why we have to go to church for so long, and why he should be going to church instead of watching that stupid football game that could have been DVRed.

I'm bitter today. I see him slowly pull away and by the time that we'll be able to finally be sealed together as a family he won't be in the same spot I am. What a horrible thing. Apostacy sure has a new meaning for me, and I hope to God that it doesn't hit this family that has come SO FAR from what it used to be.