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Garibay Soup: Marriage, Life, Church - UGH it's all hard

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Marriage, Life, Church - UGH it's all hard

Life isn't always perfect. Pictures don't always show the whole story. My smile sometimes is a lie. I don't know what is going on right now, but I feel like things are falling apart. It's funny, because in the primary class that I teach we were talking about apostasy and restoration.
There was a time of apostasy on this earth when the fullness of the gospel was taken away. Then when Joseph Smith had the first vision, the start of the restoration started.

I feel as if my family is about to go through the apostasy. Yeah, a little harsh - and I know there are probably a lot of members that know my family that gasping. Life sucks sometimes and I don't know what went wrong.

I for one will say that being a member of this church is hard to be a part of. They ask a lot of you and it's not easy. You get to go to church and see all these "perfect" families that were born into this and have never known a different life and think to yourself, 'Hmmm we'll never be there.' We are not perfect. I don't have a husband that thrives to serve others like all the men in this church seem to do; I have a husband who thinks the world revolves around him and is probably the most narcissistic person that I've ever met. He gives murmuring a whole new meaning. But he's my husband and with or without the church I love him. I'm not perfect.... I have so many faults, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be the Mormon wife, the Mormon mom. But life is not so sugar coated as it seems, well at least not when you're starting out at this so late in life.

I do know this. It's hard, but it's what we're supposed to do. With or without my husband, I will continue to be a member of this church and hope that it gives my children the morals and principles that I want them to have with them for the rest of their lives. Getting up on Sunday and going to church for 3 hours is hard sometimes, but what's 3 hours out of 168 hours? 3 hours out of our week is NOTHING. There are things that my husband doesn't understand. Things he thinks are inconvenient, and I don't know how to go about showing him the reason why we are called to do callings that take our time, why we have to go to church for so long, and why he should be going to church instead of watching that stupid football game that could have been DVRed.

I'm bitter today. I see him slowly pull away and by the time that we'll be able to finally be sealed together as a family he won't be in the same spot I am. What a horrible thing. Apostacy sure has a new meaning for me, and I hope to God that it doesn't hit this family that has come SO FAR from what it used to be.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Debs said...

Hiya
I hope you are not alone in your challenges right now. I was married to a none member who believed that my world should revolve around him as well as everyone elses should. I have been where you feel you are now and it is hard, its disheartening and we need that extra something to just walk that next step some days.
Sadly my marriage didnt work out, not for any of the above reasons though but I sure learnt a lot from all the issues, trials, challenges etc.
If you should ever feel you want someone to talk black and white with please feel free to email me, I am strengthened in the church but I do have days and moments when i even question myself but i'll keep going cos thats what we are meant to do.
Sending you hugs from across the pond!!

Debs x

debbie.willson@yahoo.co.uk (2 L's in my surname)

January 11, 2009 at 6:28 PM  
Blogger Kimberlee said...

I think you know a little of my story? And ya, it is really rough. And I am really angry about it all. And I hope G. is just having on off week or two. But you know him, I don't.

I am learning that I am responsible for me. For my children. And that is where my responsibility/jurisdiction ends. W. is an adult. He has made some really horrible choices. He will eventually loose his marriage and probably so much more because of his decisions. But they were his to make. The beauty of free agency working there. But I still need to hold tight and teach my children.

I spend a lot of time in prayer asking for help with the anger and direction on what I need to be doing.

Keep holding tight. It will be o.k. I don't know what o.k. is. only that it will be o.k.

January 12, 2009 at 7:12 AM  
Blogger Jenna Lee said...

Oh Amanda...even the perfect families you think you are seeing at church have huge trails.... it is hard...dont look at what everyone else is doing...focus on what you need to be doing and set the example...heavenly father knows yours struggles and what you are capable of remember a scripture in philipians i can do all things through christ with strenghteneth me...now i dont know what you are going thro but i know you have the light in your eyes and determination to be a beacon to your family...so continue..its hard being a new member...but gino has felt that light..and will always remember it... im sorry this is hard...i wish i could call you..i love you

January 12, 2009 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Aimee Kieffer, aka "Momzoo" said...

Oh honey! I hear ya I have felt that way so many times and I was born and raised in the church!

There is no such thing as a perfect Mormon family or a perfect Mormon Mom and if you ever come across someone who says there is, they are lieing!

The Lord doesn't ask you to be like your neighbors, he only wants you to work towards being the best you!

Just love Gino and don't push him, everybody has their own personal religious journey to take, and the best thing you can do is pray for him and love him for what he is right now.

About your primary post. There is a scripture (I can't say where exactly, I am terrible at that!) that says "out of the mouths of two or three witnesses the truth will be known." When you are asked to take a calling you are one of those witnesses. If the sprit doesn't testify to you that this is right then you are fine to talk it over with the Bishop and not accept the calling. I think you have some very valid conserns. (It isn't like you just don't want to do it because you don't like kids or something!) Don't feel bad and don't lets others make you feel bad. There is a lot of guilt attached to not accepting a calling and sometimes members aren't very nice about it. Just remember that the Church is true, not the people (I hope you get what I mean :))

**hugs**

Hang in there!

email me if you need to aimee@prosphotos.com

January 13, 2009 at 9:28 AM  

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