My Testimony... Mine.

I have been working on building my testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I struggle with many things, but what this church believes in is definitely not one of them. There are things I don't understand completely, or seem a little extreme to me, but I just accept it and never question it.

On Testimony Sunday I hear of people bearing their testimony and I think it's so neat that they can feel so strong about basically everything in the church. I'm beginning to realize that I can't base my testimony on the testimony of others. I need to develop my own testimony and I need it to be through my own experiences, through my own scripture study and because I felt it on my own.

I have a very strong testimony of the Holy Ghost. I believe that the Holy Ghost will come to you in times of need no matter where you're at in your life. I believe that the Holy Ghost will comfort you through times of trial even when you're not being the most perfect person. I've talked a few times before about my baby girl, Mya. Halfway through my pregnancy her heart stopped and for a while after we lost her I kept feeling this feeling inside of me that I couldn't explain. It was a feeling of comfort that I had never felt before. I told myself that it was Mya. Her spirit was staying behind with me to comfort me. As much as I wish that were the case I now believe that it was the Holy Ghost. I believe that I was wrapped up in its arms and stayed that way until it knew that I was okay. I remember waking up one day to not feeling that feeling anymore. I was sad, because in my heart I thought she's gone but that wasn't the case. She was gone the whole time..... the Holy Ghost had been there to do its job and it did.... and that is one blessing I am grateful to have in my life.

I have a VERY strong testimony of prayer. I believe that if you pray sincerely that what is to be will be. I also believe that we can make our lives what we want, and we can do this through prayer. It says in the bible in both Matthew & Luke that if you ask and believe that you have already received it you will receive it. This is hard for some people, but it's not hard for me. You just have to have faith, and while faith is a hard thing to grasp and walk with - it's what we need to have.

I haven't had an opportunity to learn a lot about the things I should know. During church I have the privilege of chasing my busy toddler around the halls. Sometimes I wish she'd just cooperate and go into nursery, but the fact that she still wants her mommy is soothing to my soul, so it's okay. It's okay to miss out on all of the stuff I need to know for now, because for now she needs me.

I have a strong testimony of Family Home Evening. Having that one night that is a guarantee in our home every Monday is vital. It's vital for me as a mom and it is vital for my children. They need to know that they have a strong family, and every week that we hold this for them, our family will only grow more and more stronger.

Right now, this is all I've got. I know it isn't much, but it's more than some. It's what I know to be true in my heart. I only hope that my testimony will grow stronger and stronger. I hope that I can get back into daily scripture reading and implement a family scripture reading everyday as well.

While I'm not ready to get up and bear my testimony, I'm sharing it with my friends here. I know that in all due time it all will come to me, but for now this is what I'm holding onto.