It's for us... and in our own way we'll get there

Normally on Sundays we awake early and get dressed up to attend church. It's become a regular thing and something we feel is extremely important for our children.

Today is week 3 of no church for us. Week #1 was Mother's Day and I was enjoying a very relaxing weekend on the Oregon Coast, Week #2 my sister was up visiting and we spent the day taking pictures at Lithia Park (still being edited) and this week I think my daughter has bronchitis... and my throat hurts.

The problem here is every Sunday you spend away from church you fall more and more away from it. Truthfully, a part of me really wasn't in the mood to attend church this morning, and that makes me feel bad. I don't know what I should be doing to ensure that my family stays strong is something I believe to be true. Yet, I don't want to feel guilty for not always doing everything perfect... and that's a problem that I have. I walk into church and look at all the "perfect" forever families and almost feel intimidated. I shouldn't, because I bet they have problems too, I bet they struggle with insecurities, I bet they're not as perfect as they seem. But this has been their life for all of their lives... and if not all of their lives, a good part of them. This is new to us. Some Sundays I'd rather go shopping and enjoy the beautiful day that my husband has off together and not spend 3 hours in a church.... yet, that feeling right there makes me feel guilty.

I'm coming to a realization that this is for us. We have to take this at a pace that feels right for us and if that means we're going to skip a Sunday to lay around and catch up on Desperate Housewives, I guess that's what we have to do. I'm always too worried about what other people are thinking...'OMG the Garibays are inactive'. We're not. Our faith is just as strong now as it ever was. We're not out partying and drinking, we're still following the commandments, it's just a life changing thing for us. Sometimes we actually feel uncomfortable and I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. I feel like the members of our ward are on one level and we're on another. This is something I'll have to work out on my own, but in the meantime I'm coming to the realization that this is for us. It's not about the Bishop, it's not about the people, it's not even about the socialization part of it all, it's about and for us.

If there's a Sunday I want to go and Gino doesn't, there's not going to be anymore guilt trips and disappointment, because when I get home from church he's still there, he still believes in it, he still loves me and that's good enough for me... plus, I'm sure the next week he'll be sitting right next to me.