Time and life

I have not been able to find enough time in my days lately. My to do list is overwhelming, my project lists are overwhelming and I sometimes feel like I'm failing as a mom. At the end of the day I sigh and wish I had taken videos of Ella's cuteness, of the things that come out of my precious son's mouth and maybe more pictures.

But after rushing through the day, and not even being able to keep up my house I almost feel as if I've failed the day. I need to be more structured, and although I've been working on this, I've never actually succeeded here. My entire family needs structure, because things get forgotten, and that's not supposed to happen.

I used to spend a lot of time on the computer - not working, but doing the things that I love to do. I've cut that time durastically, because I felt like I wasn't doing the best I could for my family. Things weren't getting done, and dropping my computer time has indeed helped. But there's more that needs to be done. I sometimes feel rushed and I don't like that. I want more special one on one time with my children. I want to have a fun project that we do at least every other day. Their childhood is flying by and I'm scared that through rushing through my days that I'm going to miss something important.

I want to see the excitment in their eyes as they dip their hand in paint and not fret about the mess that's about to be made. I want to have set hours that I work and not work other than those hours, a set time to sit with Jayden and have him read or read to him, a set time to spend one on one time with my husband (even if it just consists on catching up on Desperate Housewives episodes). I just don't want to forget the important things I should be getting done daily.

My kids and my husband need to know that I do have it together, I can handle it all, and they are the most important thing ever to me.