I never knew you, but I love you

I never heard you, but I hear you
I never held you, but I feel you
I never knew you, but I love you

I went tonight to watch probably the scariest movie I've seen in such a long time, The Orphan. The above poem was in the movie and a situation much like {mine} had happened to the main character. Her baby girl had died while she was still pregnant with her.

When we saw the stone with the poem on it Gino had reached over and grabbed my hand. It still hurts at times. I will admit that things have definitely gotten better and I am ever so thankful for the blessings that I have; for the children that I have. There is still, however, {Mya}. There is still is a baby girl in heaven that I miss so much, that I love so much.... and I don't even know her. I have felt her inside of me though, and she has a huge part of my heart and my soul.

In exactly 1 month from today it will have been 3 years since I found out my baby girl had passed. The poem above is so real to me. I didn't know her, but I love her just as much as I love my 2 babies that are alive and well with me here on earth. 3 years ago I could hardly breathe and didn't know how in the world I was supposed to go on. I find it amazing how much time and Heavenly Father can heal a mother's heart.

The thing that helps me out so much is that I know she lives in heaven. I keep her so close to my heart in a necklace. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and sadly sometimes things happen that are traumatic. I know that Mya had a very wonderful purpose, and she served it. She saved my marriage. She brought Gino and I together in a way that can't be explained. She came to a marriage that was on the verge of destruction and made it the strongest bond I've ever felt. I love Mya for that, and one day I'll be able to hug her and thank her. She served her purpose, then gave her sister a chance to be born to happy family, a strong family. And I know that through all of Ella's traumatic experiences with her heart that she's right there with her, because she's her angel.

I hope that when we smile and think of her that she feels it. I hope that when we're sad because she's not with us she feels our love. She will always be my first daughter. I will always love her, and I don't even know her yet. I do, however, know that she came here and saved a family and built it strong. Thank you, Mya.... I love you.