Enchanting Havoc (formerly Garibay Soup)

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Garibay Soup: I never knew you, but I love you

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I never knew you, but I love you

I never heard you, but I hear you
I never held you, but I feel you
I never knew you, but I love you

I went tonight to watch probably the scariest movie I've seen in such a long time, The Orphan. The above poem was in the movie and a situation much like {mine} had happened to the main character. Her baby girl had died while she was still pregnant with her.

When we saw the stone with the poem on it Gino had reached over and grabbed my hand. It still hurts at times. I will admit that things have definitely gotten better and I am ever so thankful for the blessings that I have; for the children that I have. There is still, however, {Mya}. There is still is a baby girl in heaven that I miss so much, that I love so much.... and I don't even know her. I have felt her inside of me though, and she has a huge part of my heart and my soul.

In exactly 1 month from today it will have been 3 years since I found out my baby girl had passed. The poem above is so real to me. I didn't know her, but I love her just as much as I love my 2 babies that are alive and well with me here on earth. 3 years ago I could hardly breathe and didn't know how in the world I was supposed to go on. I find it amazing how much time and Heavenly Father can heal a mother's heart.

The thing that helps me out so much is that I know she lives in heaven. I keep her so close to my heart in a necklace. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and sadly sometimes things happen that are traumatic. I know that Mya had a very wonderful purpose, and she served it. She saved my marriage. She brought Gino and I together in a way that can't be explained. She came to a marriage that was on the verge of destruction and made it the strongest bond I've ever felt. I love Mya for that, and one day I'll be able to hug her and thank her. She served her purpose, then gave her sister a chance to be born to happy family, a strong family. And I know that through all of Ella's traumatic experiences with her heart that she's right there with her, because she's her angel.

I hope that when we smile and think of her that she feels it. I hope that when we're sad because she's not with us she feels our love. She will always be my first daughter. I will always love her, and I don't even know her yet. I do, however, know that she came here and saved a family and built it strong. Thank you, Mya.... I love you.

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Blogger Lesslie said...

Beautiful post, Amanda. it gave me chills.

September 5th will always be a special day for both of us. As my Son shares his day with Mya.

I think I will let a balloon go for her this year...

Love you girl! ♥

August 5, 2009 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger DysFUNctional Mom said...

My husband had a son who passed away when he was three weeks old. I can never know what he feels, and it's hard for him to put it into words, but reading your post gives me some sense of it.
Thank you for sharing, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

August 6, 2009 at 3:18 AM  
Blogger JanMary said...

Hugs and prayers from N Ireland.

August 6, 2009 at 7:31 AM  
Anonymous Marj M. said...

Blessed is Mya, for she was sent by God for a reason. And Blessed she still is....waiting for you when you finally meet face to face. My heart is with you.
Marj McClendon

August 6, 2009 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Brannamanclan said...

I remember when you found out about Mya... your courage and strength even then amazed me! I don't know exactly how you feel, but i know that she loves you and is looking down on you every day! She is your guardian angel! I love you!


August 6, 2009 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Stefany said...

Huge hugs Amanda. I believe your little girl is watching over you and your family... looking down with pride at how wonderful you are.

August 6, 2009 at 7:39 PM  
Blogger ~Sandy~ said...

My heart goes out to you...I too went through a similar situation. The pain is always there, but thankfully dulls with time.

August 8, 2009 at 10:13 PM  
Blogger Krislin said...

I found this post very randomly by searching some beautiful quotes from Google and I can say that I never meant to read it through but I did and I started to cry. My mom went through this, my brother would've been a year older than me.. I don't know what to say and why am I even writing this, I just had the feeling that I have to say something after reading this.

June 9, 2010 at 5:48 AM  

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