Enchanting Havoc (formerly Garibay Soup)

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Garibay Soup: Guilt

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Why is that no matter how good of a parent we are we are still faced with guilt almost every day of our lives. Maybe this isn't the case with every parent, but it is with me. I'm a good mom. I know I'm a good mom. But let's give last night for an example. I was busy working downstairs and I looked at the clock and though 'Uh oh...I need to get upstairs and tuck Jayden in and get him into bed.' I went up there and he was sleeping. I didn't get to tuck him in. Didn't get to read him a story. That guilt ate at me all night long. He did brush his teeth though, because his mouthwash was out...very odd for him! Makes me so proud!

Food is such an issue in our house. Like my post yesterday, Jayden has issues with food. I cannot force this child to eat anything otherwise he WILL throw it up. He's pickier than I was as a child and that's pretty darn picky! I feel guilty when I pop chicken nuggets in the microwave. Crap, I even feel guilty when I make him fish sticks. No matter what he eats I feel guilty that he's not eating veggies or something super healthy. However, he does eat fruit all day long and prefers wheat bread over white bread and that puts a smile on my face :) And he drinks water, which some kids HATE...well, Jayden would rather have water than anything to drink.

Another overwhelming guilt that I have is that my one on one time with Jayden is nothing like it used to be. He was an only child for 6 years. That's 6 years of having my undivided attention. 6 years of the world (well our world) revolving around Jayden. That changed drastically. All of our attention shifted quickly to Ella. Rushing her to the hospital so many times right after bringing her home. Having to be away from me while I was at the hospital in Portland and he was home w/my husband. Through it all he is still sweet. Still loving. Not jealous. And I feel guilt. I feel guilty that Ella sometimes takes up all of my time and I can't go read him a story at that second. I can't peel that orange, because if I move she'll wake up, please just wait 5 more minutes. And he waits. Very rarely will he get his feeling hurt over Ella getting put in front of him. I know things will get better, and I know Jayden understands, but that doesn't help the guilt I feel inside.

I guess this post is just for me to talk about how it's hard that no matter how good of a mother you are, you still have this overwhelming guilt inside of you that you should be doing better. Are there other moms out there that feel this way?

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