Enchanting Havoc (formerly Garibay Soup)

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Garibay Soup: A Scattered Thought

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A Scattered Thought

The following is something I wrote earlier and thought I would use it as my Works for me Wednesday post. ~~~

As a parent we make mistakes. It's what happens and I believe that there is a reason that we as parents make mistakes. Not only for us to learn from so we can do better with the next, but also for our children to learn from them, and apply them to their lives AS THEY SEE FIT.

I've been having some thoughts lately that I feel I need to get out. So here it goes, and this is not directed toward any person - it's just some values I've been learning as I've been growing. I believe that opinions you have on someone should stay to yourself. I do not believe that pushing your opinions, your values and how you think things should be is going to help. While we all learn from our parents mistakes we have to live life to learn from our own as well.

Marriage is a sacred bond between 2 people. 2 people. Not 3, not 4 and definitely not between all the parents, inlaws, grandparents, aunts, uncles - you get my drift. I believe that if a marriage is in trouble, leave it be. If the married couple wants to split that's their choice. If the married couple is happy with their troubled marriage, let it be. If they're happier than anyone you know, let it be. Do not talk about them to others. Let their situation be their situation. If they come to you to cry, to rant, to rave listen. Don't tell them what you think has to be done, just listen. We all need to cry, rant & rave, but we don't want to hear negativity of our own situations from others, and we definitely don't want others to turn around and gossip.

If someone makes a decision for their lives that you believe is stupid or irresponsible, let it be. Keep your opinion to yourself, because it's their life. It's their dreams, it's what they want. Most importantly, don't go and talk about it with other people. Gossip is not good. Gossip destroys trust. Gossip destroys your soul, and I'm starting to realize this.

If you have an opinion on someone else's life keep it to yourself, unless they ask for it. If someone calls you and needs someone to talk to, please listen and not judge.

I'm saying these things, because I feel sad when I hear people talking about other people's marriages. I wouldn't like that done to me, and I hope it never happens. We have to live life for ourselves and not for others.

Many people have actually suggested that I get my tubes tied since my IUD is going to be taken out. That offends me. That is by far the most personal decision that anyone will ever make and there is no way I'm going to do that. To me, having kids, not having kids and marriage issues are personal and outsiders should not have a say. I know this is all a little scattered, but I've grown into a person that is independent. I've come a long way and actually used to HAVE to have my mommy close by. If I was sick I was on her door step crying. For me to pick up and move and see how life is when you are by yourself, raising your family I have learned how important it is to not drag others into your situations. That is a huge step for me and I'm proud of myself. I'm happier this way and I hope that our family will be happy with any decisions that we make as a married couple and strong, solid family, because whatever decisions WE make in life is for us and not everyone else.

OK, I feel really good for getting that out.

For other WFMW posts check out Shannon's Blog

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Blogger We are THAT Family said...

Well said!

And I'm sorry about goofing your name-I fixed it. I could see your face as I wrote 'Annie.' I have no idea where that came from-too late last night!

May 28, 2008 at 5:15 AM  
Blogger Shimmy Mom said...

I agree. 100% in fact. I heard a quote once that the best way to earn trust is to speak well of others when they aren't there. Then people know that you won't talk bad behind their backs. I wish I could remember who said it.
I think that when my hubby and I moved out of state it was the best thing that we ever did for our marriage. It does make you grow up really fast and it makes you learn to communicate with each other and rely on each other, not outside sources.

May 28, 2008 at 6:28 AM  
Blogger ames said...

Great post. It's even worse when people feel the need to judge and gossip about things they really know nothing about. What's behind closed doors...

If only everyone could be as sensible .

May 28, 2008 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Mom2fur said...

When I was married two years, my sister's mil asked why my husband and I weren't pregnant yet. It hurt so much, because we'd been trying from very early in the marriage. My sister was very angry that she did that--what business of hers was that? I think it is terribly nosy and inappropriate for anyone to comment on your married life, your choice to have/not have kids and so many other topics that should only be between husband and wife. You know the line: "when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."
I think the most important thing is to listen, and to say, "I will be there for you." However, I do have to say that if I was close to someone, and I knew they were being abused, I would try to help that person get out of that nightmare. Fortunately, I've never known anyone in such a situation. But other than abuse, I can't see any good reason to 'butt in' to someone's business. People should realize you are a big girl, and not stupid!

May 28, 2008 at 2:46 PM  

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