Just a Motivating Monday ~ a marriage post

**Just a Motivating Monday Button will be uploaded later**

If you're just joining in:

I LOVE inspiring things to motivate me and I thought what better of a day to read inspiration than on dreadful Mondays. If you would like to write something you think will inspire or motivate others PLEASE link up!! I'd love to read your words and I'm sure that other's would as well!

Editing to add that I am submitting this in for my Pour Your Heart Out post for the week.

 
Lately there have been some things happening in a marriage to a couple I know, not close with, but I know them. I know the details of their marriage through an individual who is close with me and close with them. {can’t give details on who it is exactly for their privacy}

Their marriage is in utter turmoil. A girl has entered into the man’s life, a girl who has no respect for family or marriage, and this man is willing to just throw away his MARRIAGE over some young girl who will walk away from him when the drama of his wife finding out starts. For now they’re just both enjoying the excitement of LUST nothing more than just that. While they’re enjoying this, there’s a wife at home with a baby that has no idea.

No idea that the man who is supposed to stick with her through thick and thin, for better for worse is planning to end their marriage over a girl that it is in my best interest to not describe my opinion of her, because I am better than that. 

When learning of the events going on currently in this marriage I can’t help but feel sad. I haven’t always been an advocate of making your marriage work. My marriage by no means has ever been perfect ~ in fact we’ve had problems in the past that would make your head spin and most people run to the family courts for divorce papers.

But we’re here.

We’re happy.

We’re not perfect, but we know that our marriage matters. We know that our children matter. We know that there is no force out there that can interfere with our happiness. Period. There is nothing too big that we can’t talk and work through. Resorting outside of our marriage is not an option. Period.

These people are not friends of mine, and I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much, but it is. It’s made me reflect A LOT on marriage and has me very grateful for mine and the small problems it contains.

My heart aches for his wife. I’m sure she’s not perfect in her marriage, probably has taken him for granted for the most part, but all it takes is a little communication. TALK! If you’re having issues in your marriage roll up your sleeves and get to work on it. Don’t be a coward and go find the first young home wrecker and destroy your family.

At the end of the day…. Your immediate family is ALL YOU HAVE. Friends come and go, extended family even comes and goes, LUST comes and goes…. It’s what is under your roof that will love you unconditionally, be there for you when you need it the most. So, doesn’t that deserve the most devotion and work from you?

I'm posting this as my Just a Motivating Monday post because for some reason this situation is motivating me in a weird way to pay extra special attention to my marriage.  It's making me think A LOT on what's important in life, in family, in marriage, in parenting ~ a whole mess of thoughts are going on through my mind. 

Just a Motivating Monday - Themed Edition ~ Marriage

If you're just joining in:
-Write a blog post about ANYTHING at all that inspires you, or something you feel will inspire others. 

-Please link back to Garibay Soup 

-Please snag my Just a Motivating button on your post.

-I hope that we can all go and visit each other's blogs and read what everyone has linked up ~ I hope that this carnival can bring more traffic for you :) So, spread the comment love!

THEMED EDITION ~ MARRIAGE

I wanted to do a themed edition of Just a Motivating Monday on Marriage, because Valentine's Day is in 1 week! I think the best thing that we can motivate each other on is on marriage....

I'm going to talk for a moment on my marriage. We've been together now for 9 1/2 years, married for 5 1/2 years and happy for ALMOST 3 years. During these past 9 1/2 years we have truly been tested, we have truly prevailed and we can truly say we have defied all odds by remaining together and ending up happy at that.

I know that marriage is one of the hardest things in the entire world. Parenting is very trying and some might think it is one of the hardest things in the entire world to do, but MOST people don't just walk away when times get tough. There are the few people out there that do do this {sad that they are parents} but most parents stick with it and fight with everything in them to ensure that their children have UNCONDITIONAL love. Marriage is not like this in most cases. It gets hard, promises are broken, you fall out of love and the towel gets thrown in... the marriage in most cases ends up being over.

We've been at the lowest points in our marriage.  Promises, vows were broken, being in love was non-existent, and divorce should have been immediately in the works.  But something amazing happened, we fought.  We chose to fight hard with everything we had, and the most amazing thing happened ~ we fell in love with each other, all over again.  THAT was amazing.  Now we know, times will not always be easy, but if we stick with it and fight together to grow back together, there's a sweet reward.

"A successful marriage is falling in love over and over, always with the same person."

I hope in some way this post will touch you and remind you that marriage is meant to be forever.  If times get hard, fight.  Fight til you literally have NO FIGHT left in you.  Falling in love over and over again with your spouse is amazing, and so worth the hard times to get there.  

Friday Favorites #1 ~ Aloha Friday Family Activites?

I have one carnival going on, and sometimes people link up, and sometimes they don't. That's okay with me... it's okay, because I started the carnival to guarantee my readers that once a week I will post something inspiring... and hopefully it will motivate their Mondays. Now, I'm starting up another. Do I hope to see people link up? ABSOLUTEY... but even if I don't link ups, Friday Favorites will still be here.  If you want to skip all this Friday Favorites stuff and head straight over to the Aloha Friday question please scroll down :)


I love to do Friday Favorites, and I just usually ramble away with them. I thought about maybe structurizing it a bit this week and adding a linkup - you are more than welcome to link up your Friday Favorites.


Since I'm structurizing I figured I'd go ahead and add some topics below... the names are my kids' names, you can do whatever subjects that you wish.... but these are the subjects I'm mainly going to stick with.  I may add some other weeks, but these are my main ones!

Accomplishments:  This week I accomplished my huge laundry pile... that by far is my favorite accomplishment.  I know, boring but a favorite of mine!  

Jayden: I overheard Jayden tell his friend not to say God, and to say Gosh instead. For the first time since starting Kindergarten Jayden has found a "real" friend that he really connects with. I see major differences and similarities between the two. I hope that Jayden continues to be the good example that he is. I can't even express how proud I am of him.

Ella: Oh boy, this girl is TOO MUCH! She started swim lessons this week and we have had so much fun doing them!!  My favorite thing of this week is that she showed that she has a huge heart and loves to see the excitement of others.  I noticed this today at her swim lesson where she wasn't throwing a fit when other's were getting turns... instead she just showed excitement.

Marriage: I know that marriage is one of the hardest things, but I am a strong believer in fighting through it all. I feel fortunate that we are both at a very good point in our marriage. My favorite thing about this week to do with my marriage is that I personally am trying to do things to make my husband happy without expectations back.

Favorite Blog of the Week: Definitely 110% my fav new blog for this week is {A Place to Bloom}. It is definitely a place where you can bloom as a mother and wife. One of the writers of the blog is a dear friend of mine and I absolutely love what they are doing.

Favorite Blog Post of the Week (not my own): Believe it or not it's also from A Place to Bloom. I found {this post} and instantly LOVED it. It's about spending time together as a family and I believe it is a VERY important thing. This guest poster over at A Place to Bloom had this post very well written.

Photography:  Today, actually, I was referred to somebody to do their wedding.  I'm nervous, but figure I have to start somewhere right?  Another favorite is I finally printed my first 20x30 prints and they were of my beautiful children... I am absolutely in LOVE with the results.  I love walking into my home and seeing such huge displays of what I believe is the most beautiful thing on this planet.

Now for {Aloha Friday} 

What is your favorite thing to do as a family?  I'm talking simple, something that can be done on a weeknight type of a thing.


HERE'S THE LINKUP FOR YOU TO LINKUP YOUR FRIDAY FAVORITE'S POST

Just a Motivating Monday - Marriage

If you're just joining in:

-Write a blog post about ANYTHING at all that inspires you, or something you feel will inspire others.

-Please link back to Garibay Soup

-Please snag my Just a Motivating button on your post.

-I hope that we can all go and visit each other's blogs and read what everyone has linked up ~ I hope that this carnival can bring more traffic for you :) So, spread the comment love! 

Every week I do a post on something inspiring. Something that might touch your soul and inspire you in some way. Sometimes people link up with things that motivate them, and that's okay. There's no wrong way with this carnival and I just wanted to throw that out there. You can link up motivating or inspiring.... either way it will move us :)

With that little note said, I'm writing yet another piece on something that inspires me....

Greet one another with a kiss of love -- 1 Peter 5:14

It's the little things in life that matter. It's the casual smile, the squeeze of the hand, the random phone call in the middle of the day that truly screams "I LOVE YOU!"

I'm hoping to inspire you to do something random and beautiful for your marriage today..... Choose one of the following ideas and do them! Yes, I'm totally stealing these ideas from the book Fireproof:

Call your husband at work and just ask how his day is going


Write a love letter and leave it inside of his pants/shirt pockets 
 
Don't say anything negative to your spouse (this is hard, but well worth it!)
 
Do a random act of kindness

One thing I am starting to learn and try my hardest in practicing in my marriage is to wake up thinking what can I do to make his day happy. It's hard, sometimes we as human beings tend to want to be selfish, but in a marriage you can't be selfish. You will see that if you start living your life to make your husband happy, make his life easier, happier he will in turn want to do the same for you. So in the end it's a win/win... and if he doesn't in turn do that, that feeling of doing nice things for your husband are well worth it!

I am Simply Blessed

I love it when I find carnivals that has a purpose for something I like to write about. Today I stumbled upon a blog called {Simply Blessed}. The carnival that she hosts is something that I was going to write about today anyways, and this just gave me an idea to spin it off in another direction.

My husband and I have been married now for 5 years. We have lived together for going on 9. From the time I turned 18 my husband and I have been together. Choosing to spend your life with someone at such a young age can sometimes lead to unhappiness, divorce, trials..... or you could just be lucky and have truly found life's bliss.

I didn't find life's bliss at such a young age. I found that love is nothing like the movies. I found that fighting can pierce your heart. I found that happiness doesn't exist every, single day. I found that becoming parents at such a young age can put so much pressure on your relationship that you forgot how you even liked each other to begin with. I found that keeping house is downright impossible especially when it wasn't just me to keep up after. I found that silence hurts, that screaming relieves, that breaking phones releases. I discovered what it was like to hate, I think he discovered this as well. I found that sins are easy to make, and take a long time to heal.

So how is this all a blessing? Because despite the above we stuck together. We made it work. After changes to ourselves and for each other we are happy. We love each other. It's not like in the movies, but it's our love. It works for both of us and I go to bed with a smile on my face almost every, single night.

My marriage is a blessing. I couldn't be more thankful for my best friend and the heart of my soul. He has grown into a man that I am proud to say is my husband. A man that I am proud to say is the father of my children.

There is no bigger blessing to be able to say that this marriage has overcome some things that people get divorced over and we're still growing strong. I truly am blessed, and madly in love.

On a different note:

Join me on Monday for my carnival Just a Motivating Monday it's an inspirational carnival, where we as bloggers share things that have inspired us, or things we think will inspire others. And on Thursday 7/23/09-Saturday 7/25/09 for the {HAPPY BLOGNERD PARTY}!! It's for us nerds not making it to BlogHer and to celebrate my BIRTHDAY ~ GIVEWAYS WILL BE HAPPENING!!!!

Time and life

I have not been able to find enough time in my days lately. My to do list is overwhelming, my project lists are overwhelming and I sometimes feel like I'm failing as a mom. At the end of the day I sigh and wish I had taken videos of Ella's cuteness, of the things that come out of my precious son's mouth and maybe more pictures.

But after rushing through the day, and not even being able to keep up my house I almost feel as if I've failed the day. I need to be more structured, and although I've been working on this, I've never actually succeeded here. My entire family needs structure, because things get forgotten, and that's not supposed to happen.

I used to spend a lot of time on the computer - not working, but doing the things that I love to do. I've cut that time durastically, because I felt like I wasn't doing the best I could for my family. Things weren't getting done, and dropping my computer time has indeed helped. But there's more that needs to be done. I sometimes feel rushed and I don't like that. I want more special one on one time with my children. I want to have a fun project that we do at least every other day. Their childhood is flying by and I'm scared that through rushing through my days that I'm going to miss something important.

I want to see the excitment in their eyes as they dip their hand in paint and not fret about the mess that's about to be made. I want to have set hours that I work and not work other than those hours, a set time to sit with Jayden and have him read or read to him, a set time to spend one on one time with my husband (even if it just consists on catching up on Desperate Housewives episodes). I just don't want to forget the important things I should be getting done daily.

My kids and my husband need to know that I do have it together, I can handle it all, and they are the most important thing ever to me.

I Love My Marriage

Marriage to me is one of the most powerful things on this earth. It is a bond that you form and choose to stick with someone forever. In my case for all eternity. It's a bond that you can't break, it's a bond that you don't want to break even when it's the one thing in this world you'd love to break.

I met my husband 8 1/2 years ago and I've been happily married for almost 3 years. Married for almost 5. We've been through some disastrous situations, ones that end marriages, but we overcame them together. Divorce has never been an option, even when it should have been. Instead, we learned to love each other again, maybe for the first time. We learned what it means for better or worse. I learned to appreciate my wedding ring and it's symbol of a never ending circle. This marriage will never end.

This man that I'm married to is my best friend. Nobody can make me more mad, but nobody can make me more happy. We're this powerful team that can conquer anything together, because we've almost been through it all in our eyes. We are proof that the most horrible marriage can survive and I feel like for us sticking it out through the thick and thin that God has blessed us with a great marriage.

I don't think I tell him enough how thankful I am for him. I don't think I tell him enough how there's no way in this world that I could do this life without him, that there's no way in this world that I'd want to do it without him. But I'm telling him here, now. Someday he'll read this blog and when he comes upon this entry I want his heart to smile.

You are an amazing husband, Gino. I'm proud of the choices and changes that you have made to better yourself and our family. You make my heart smile every day. I'm thankful to have you as a husband, friend, and father of my children.

When Kristen announced the SWAK carnival I was so excited. I love to brag about my marriage and my husband. So, if you want to brag about your husband or read other's entries go to her blog and start reading away.

Early Christmas for Ella - Elmo's World

Yesterday I took the entire day to myself. I shopped, spent time with one of my sisters (one of the daughters of my dad... the 16 year old) and got my teeth cleaned, checked in w/my orthodontist.... it was a BUSY BUSY day. I absolutely loved every single second that I was out of the house without my kids.

While I was gone Gino had the kids helping out around the house. He told me Ella even had the swiffer and was mopping for him. Excuse me, but why don't my kids do this for me??!?!?! Why is that my husband can get them to be productive but I can't? Ridiculous!

Anyways... Gino went into our garage, which is nightmare beyond nightmare beyond nightmare to try to find my stocking that I've had since a baby. No luck, but he found a ton of other stuff! One of those talking Elmo's that Jayden had as a baby that Ella now has fallen in love with. It's like Christmas for her! So tonight she's been going around pressing Elmo's hand so that Elmo will sing Elmo's World to her. He found tons books and their Finding Nemo movie... little did he know that I bought the movie yesterday for Ella. Now I have to take it back LOL.

I was going through some of the pictures that I took and found this one of Jayden... what the heck was going on with that expression? He is a crack up.

Patience

Love is patient.

I read that and almost cringed. Patient???? I am not very patient. I am not very patient at all, but I love. I love my children with all my heart and soul. I love my husband. Yet, I am not extremely patient with them, and that makes me sad. The people that I love the most in this world are the people that I should be most patient with.

In prayers every night I pray that I might have more patience for my children. I've never thought to ask for patience with my husband, but I have realized that I should. He deserves it just as much as my precious children do. I've noticed ever since I've asked for help in this area that I've dramatically changed. I have much more patience than I had before with the kids.

I want the people I love to feel loved, so I guess I start with patience.

I got tagged by Rachel

1. What is your husband's name? Gino
2. Who eats more? Gino
3. Who said, "I love you" first? I did on accident getting off the phone.
4. Who is taller? Gino
5. Who is smarter? Um... ME!
6. Who is more sensitive? Me
7. Who does the laundry? For the most part me - but if needs laundry done he'll do it.
8. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you're standing in front looking at the bed I'm on the right
9. Who pays the bills? Me.
10. Who cooks more? Me. Gino used to cook every night, but now I'm the cook.
11. Who is more stubborn? I think me.
12. Who is the first to admit they are wrong? I don't think we ever admit that we're wrong... it's an issue.
13. Who has more siblings? We have the same amount - I have 4 sisters 1 brother & Gino has 2 sisters 3 brothers.
14. Who wears the pants in the relationship? I think I do.. but Gino probably thinks he does.
15. What do you like to do together? Gossip and watch movies
16. Who eats more sweets? I think we're about even on this ~ we both don't eat too much sweets
17. Guilty Pleasures? Picture frames, candles & bath stuff - oh! and clothes ~ for Gino hands down video games and clothes
18. How did you meet? at my mom's work
19. Who asked whom out first? Um... we just sortof hung out as friends and then it escalted
20. Who kissed who first? Gino kissed me out front of Mountain Mikes in Jackson
21. Who proposed? Gino. And the word shit was involved.... he was nervous
22. His best features and qualities? His smile, his commitment to his family, his love for us, his eyes, and how he can cook... and I too, Rachel, love that Gino can open up jars for me LOL

I am tagging ~ Aimee @ Momzoo, Kimberlee, Tammy & Emily

Some more goals...

I'm getting extra doses of my husband this week. He's had Sunday, Monday & Tuesday off. Then he also has Saturday, Sunday, Monday & Tuesday off. That's a lot of time together. It's been nice though. I'm getting work done, and he's hanging out with Ella. If he knew I was really up here writing on my blog I don't think he'd be too thrilled :)

I accomplished the majority of all of my goals last week. I did my 2 loads/day, my work items were done, the only thing I really messed up on was a home cooked meal every night.

Here are my goals for this week - now until Friday....

1) 2 loads/day

2) Read scriptures EVERY MORNING & NIGHT (I started my day out w/reading w/Gino and I feel great!)

3) 15 minutes of filing/day

4) Do as the flylady tells me.... I seriously need to get back on track with that!

Monday Babblings

It's Monday and I'm motivated. I have a new blackberry curve and it has me motivated. New gadgets always get me excited. I was laying in bed and I sat there with my phone in my hand and went into the tasks and put everything in there that I needed to get done. I love going through and checking things off that I've accomplished.

Another thing I LOVE about having a blackberry is I have constant access to the internet. I can go to LDS.org and read the ensign, study scriptures and so many other things.

I'm going to the park with my cousin for lunch today. Our little girls are 1 year and 2 days apart, so they're going to finally get together and play with each other. I really should be working my butt off today, but I really need to get out of the house and get some sanity back in my brain.

We're taking off on Wednesday for Reno. I have a seminar to go to, so I have so much stuff to accomplish before I go, so today and tomorrow I'm going to be SLAMMED BUSY. I have to meet with my Aunt Julie who is helping with taxes tomorrow so I have a lot to prepare there.

I want to work on personal goals with myself. I'm reflecting on who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. Some personal goals that I'm working on right now is building a stronger relationship with my husband. I have done a lot of reading on LDS.org and I've become inspired by the articles in the Ensign. I have a wonderful marriage, but I feel like it could be so much more. So, I'm taking the initiative and I'm going to start just working on myself to see what that brings. We as humans are so selfish, and I know that I'm extremely selfish. I'm always concerned with what 'I want and need'. I'm going to start focusing on what Gino wants and needs and actually really paying attention and trying to give to him.

I want to make him happy and I think him being really happy will make me happy.

My Perfect Marriage

My aqua aerobics teacher said something last night that I loved. She said her marriage is perfect. Sometimes it's perfectly wonderful and sometimes it's perfectly horrible, but it's always perfect.

I love it! That sums up my marriage perfectly ;)

Exhaustion

I really am done. I have been going going going and going since 6am. We got Norm moved into his home, my grandma moved into her home and I haven't felt this tired in a REALLY long time. I know I've been full of rants lately, but I have to go at it again.

Why is it that men HAVE to have 1 up on you? Why can't they just for once shut their mouths and sympathize with you with whatever problem you're having? Why can't they just for once at least pretend like they sympathize with you?

I just got home, sat at the table to feed Ella and said, "I am so exhausted!" That was not an open invitation for HIM to start comparing with me. He looks at me and says, "YOUR tired?" In that tone - you know the tone, the tone of I'm more tired than you. The most annoying aspect of my husband is the comparing game ~ he works harder, he's more tired, blah blah blah UGH!

I know he's tired! I wasn't saying he wasn't - but was there really a need for the comparing game?

MARRIAGE IS HARD!

A Scattered Thought

The following is something I wrote earlier and thought I would use it as my Works for me Wednesday post. ~~~

As a parent we make mistakes. It's what happens and I believe that there is a reason that we as parents make mistakes. Not only for us to learn from so we can do better with the next, but also for our children to learn from them, and apply them to their lives AS THEY SEE FIT.

I've been having some thoughts lately that I feel I need to get out. So here it goes, and this is not directed toward any person - it's just some values I've been learning as I've been growing. I believe that opinions you have on someone should stay to yourself. I do not believe that pushing your opinions, your values and how you think things should be is going to help. While we all learn from our parents mistakes we have to live life to learn from our own as well.

Marriage is a sacred bond between 2 people. 2 people. Not 3, not 4 and definitely not between all the parents, inlaws, grandparents, aunts, uncles - you get my drift. I believe that if a marriage is in trouble, leave it be. If the married couple wants to split that's their choice. If the married couple is happy with their troubled marriage, let it be. If they're happier than anyone you know, let it be. Do not talk about them to others. Let their situation be their situation. If they come to you to cry, to rant, to rave listen. Don't tell them what you think has to be done, just listen. We all need to cry, rant & rave, but we don't want to hear negativity of our own situations from others, and we definitely don't want others to turn around and gossip.

If someone makes a decision for their lives that you believe is stupid or irresponsible, let it be. Keep your opinion to yourself, because it's their life. It's their dreams, it's what they want. Most importantly, don't go and talk about it with other people. Gossip is not good. Gossip destroys trust. Gossip destroys your soul, and I'm starting to realize this.

If you have an opinion on someone else's life keep it to yourself, unless they ask for it. If someone calls you and needs someone to talk to, please listen and not judge.

I'm saying these things, because I feel sad when I hear people talking about other people's marriages. I wouldn't like that done to me, and I hope it never happens. We have to live life for ourselves and not for others.

Many people have actually suggested that I get my tubes tied since my IUD is going to be taken out. That offends me. That is by far the most personal decision that anyone will ever make and there is no way I'm going to do that. To me, having kids, not having kids and marriage issues are personal and outsiders should not have a say. I know this is all a little scattered, but I've grown into a person that is independent. I've come a long way and actually used to HAVE to have my mommy close by. If I was sick I was on her door step crying. For me to pick up and move and see how life is when you are by yourself, raising your family I have learned how important it is to not drag others into your situations. That is a huge step for me and I'm proud of myself. I'm happier this way and I hope that our family will be happy with any decisions that we make as a married couple and strong, solid family, because whatever decisions WE make in life is for us and not everyone else.

OK, I feel really good for getting that out.

For other WFMW posts check out Shannon's Blog

Staying positive

I must say today was a *Bee-u-tiful* day! The sun was shining, the birds were singing ~ all in all it was a glorious day. Okay... the sun wasn't shining, but the birds definitely were singing. They've been building a contraption in some vent that is above my stove. We hear them.

I did have a better day today. I definitely believe that the blessing that I received helped TONS. My husband getting a new battery put into my car helped tons. Praying and begging for some sort of peace inside of me is helping tons.

I have noticed that patience is growing slowly inside of me, and that's the most important thing. When you lose your patience it's almost extremely frightening. Your children rely on patience. Your marriage relies on patience. When you lose your patience you can lose it all.

I'm hoping that my hormone levels are regulating themselves. I haven't called my doctor's office to schedule getting the Mirena removed, but will be putting a phone call in to them tomorrow.

He's a keeper

There are so many times where I'm frustrated with my husband. Sometimes he really can make me madder than I've ever been, and lately with my hormonal problem I've said some pretty horrible things to him. There's so many little things that he does that sometimes just really get under my skin. Marriage can be so darn difficult.

My car's battery went dead yesterday and he's been doing so much to get this car going again. Unfortunately it's not just a simple jump. It's frustrating the crap out of me too, because my car's not that old.

As I was watching him out there my heart was filled with love. I love him. He does so many things for me, and not many husbands do things for their wives. I have a lot of people I talk to that complain about their husbands and how lazy they are. I do the same sometimes. I complain about Gino, but usually to Gino. I try to not complain about my husband to other people. I try to keep our problems within ourselves. I used to bring other people into our problems and that doesn't work. It only made matter extremely worse.

I feel bad when I nag. I feel bad that I've been such a mean, wretched wife. I love him. He can make me madder than anyone in this world, but he also can make me happier than anyone (besides our babies of course).

I feel very blessed to have this man as my husband.

No more IUD for the sake of my sanity

After having a completely emotional day I think I've come to a decision that might just save my sanity. I really have loved the Mirena, but I'm turning into someone I don't even like. My husband actually said to me today that he doesn't even like to come home on his lunch break anymore because I'm just snapping at him over everything. He compared me to the sister on the movie Knocked Up... she treats her husband like s*%$ I had a hysterical fit today where I sat in the bathroom sobbing. Over NOTHING. I picked apart everything I could on my husband. That's not okay. This isn't me. Of course I have my times of being moody, but this is scary. So as I'm sitting in the bathroom crying it dawns on me that what if these hormones I'm taking are completely screwing up my brain? What happens when I completely lose it? That's when you draw the line. I'd rather have another kid than feel the way I feel.

I've wondered before if maybe it's PPD, but I don't think it is. Especially since my hormone levels are so drastically low. I have to have faith that everything will end up back to normal and I will be okay. My kids don't deserve to have a mom with no patience. Instead of being on anti-anxiety medication and hormones I think I'm going right to the source and having them rip that stupid Mirena out.

If you pray, please pray for me. I'm going to ask the missionaries to come over and give me a blessing on Friday. I also am going to get a massage tomorrow, and that should really help. If you pray, please pray for me. I hate feeling like this. I don't want to drive my husband away being a naggy wife. I've never been naggy. I've never been snappy with Jayden and I'm catching myself being like that with him. Jayden is my heart and soul and I'm so over protective over him and here I am being mean. That's not cool.

I think for birth control I might go back on the ring, which is what I was taking before I got pregnant with Mya. My insurance company is just going to LOVE this. I just fought tooth & nail to get that $850.00 thing paid for. Now I'm taking it out LOL.

**I updated my Book of Mormon Blog

My husband thinks I have claws...

Yesterday we went to Jayden's TBall game and as I was driving the sun was beating into my car. (Mental note - MUST GET WINDOWS TINTED THIS YEAR!) Anyways... the sun made me think about how I forgot the sunscreen. So, I make the comment of "Great! I'm going to look like a tomato by the end of the game." My ever so loving husband actually had the nerve to say, "Um, I like to use the term lobster. You'll look like a lobster. You know, because the lobsters have claws." He looked at me and actually put his fingers up and clamped them together.

Lovely.

I thought this sign was hilarious.

Ramblings On Me

It's the stake conference at church today and we're not going. I really did want to go, but I really didn't want to make Jayden sit through that for 2 hours. Not to mention, 1 hour of Sacrament meeting with Ella is hard enough, 2 hours is unthinkable. I am sad though that I'm missing out on all of the great talks they'll be having today.

Lately, I've been struggling with this whole hormone issue that I'm having. I've lost all patience and I know that it's effecting my family. Yesterday I freaked out on Gino for the mere fact that he didn't get Jayden's new fish aquarium ready the prior day so that we could go get the fish. Then I freaked out because Ella was whining and I needed a break. He chose to go and get the fish aquarium ready instead of take Ella and that made me even more mad. That is psychotic. I'm flipping over the stupidest things and I just want to feel normal again. This was all on his lunch break, which he should have been able to come home and relax, instead he had to deal with his hormonal wife. I did end up taking Gaba Ease as soon as he left and it was like a reformation.... you'd think I was bipolar.

I'm on day 2 of taking my progesterone, and I think I might feel a little bit different today. Gino's been playing GTA4 all morning, and I'm not feeling the normal fury that I do feel when he plays. So, we just might be having some progress here.

I don't want to get irritated with everyone the way I have been. I want the patience that my family deserves, and I hope that we all see a difference in me soon. If these progesterone pills don't change the way I've been, then I'm probably going to have to make the decision to take out the Mirena IUD. I'd hate to do that, because at this point I don't want to be prone to having any more kids. I'm not very good at taking other forms of birth control, and an oops baby just wouldn't work.

I think today I might need to do some major scripture reading and prayer. Going to church always makes me feel so much better, but since we don't have that today I need to do some personal scripture study. That probably means that the BOM blog will be updated today.