My Heart is Shattered...

It's been 3 years, 2 months, 3 weeks & 6 days since my baby girl left me. Through this time I have always felt her close to me. I have a necklace and her ashes are in it. That necklace means more to me than ANYTHING. It's the last thing I have of her. To some it might be creepy, but to me it is beautiful. On the front we had Our Angel Mya inscribed, on the back is the date we found out that she had passed 9/5/06. The inscriptions are beginning to fade. This is something I always envisioned cherishing all my life.  I wanted to be buried with it.

Those who are close to me know how important this necklace is to me.... 

It's gone.

Flushed down the toilet.

My heart is in shambles.

And I don't even know how to describe the feelings I am feeling right now. Anger, sadness, fury, hopeless.

I was seconds away from saving it... I saw her in the bathroom holding that necklace and said "NO!" and went running as she chucked it in the toilet and flushed it.... I LOST IT! It felt like I lost her all over again. I feel like somebody punched me in my stomach.

I can't be angry at her. She's 2. She knew how badly it effected me when she saw me screaming and crying like somebody died. She started shooshing me and assuring me that Daddy will get it. And saying sorry over and over again. He won't get it. He can't get it. It's gone. It took a huge piece of my heart with it.

I still do have some ashes of her's in a box. But for some reason, it doesn't feel like it's the same. That necklace got me through losing her.  

I just want it back.