A peek into my heart.... on Father's Day

Unfortunately, Father's Day was never an important day for me. I have a dad, but growing up I refused to refer to the man as that. I am now older and have tried to accept him as my father, but continuously don't feel it in my heart.

My father was 16 when I was born. That pretty much sums it up right there. He was never there, went on to conceive 3 more daughters with 3 different women. Each one I'm sure has their sob story about the man, and I still cling to mine every, single day. I want a dad. I want a dad that cares enough to call me at least once a week and see how I'm doing. I want a dad that can put me first for once... not always focus on his youngest 2 daughters. I want a dad who cares enouch about being a grandpa that he asks how they're doing, or wants to see them. I just want a dad.

I have a couple of memories that stab my heart, and I think it's time I talk about them. The first Father's Day that I spent with my father was in 2006. I was newly pregnant with Mya. We drove all the way up to where I now live just to spend Father's Day with the man. In addition to him, it was also the first time I was going to meet his 2nd daughter.. dysfunctional, unstable Britney. I know, I have hate issues.... I told you Garibay Soup is the ingredients to a dysfunctional family.... which is EXACTLY what I have.

Anyways... continuing on. I had mentioned to my dad that he could play catch or baseball or fricking something with his grandson {Jayden} that he never sees and the man actaully had the nerve to say to me, "Well, I have Tiona too... it is Father's Day." Wow..... this man is a loser.

My dad married his 4th daughter's mother who is a whopping 2 years 11 months older than me. SICK! At the wedding in the middle of the ceremony they had her come up and be a part of it and even gave her a ring.... I was his only other daughter at this wedding. I felt {AWKWARD}

His 2 youngest daughters are his everything, I am nothing. For this reason alone I have not care for Father's Day all that much. The 2 situations above are just a couple of things that have stabbed my heart.... there are many, many more, and I need to learn how to let go and be grateful that my children will never have to feel the way I have felt.

My children have a father who loves this both so much and distributes it between the two equally. They will never, ever have to feel the feelings I have felt growing up, because their dad would do anything in this world for them. I am proud to say that this man is my husband.

{Gino}, I know I tell you a lot, but I'm going to say it again....... you are a wonderful dad. You have made choices and changes that they will someday be so thanful and proud for. I just want to thank you for being a dad to my children, I couldn't have picked a better guy. You make their eyes light up, you put smiles on their faces, and it all makes my heart melt.