Parenting.... hardest most rewarding thing in the world

I know all parents think this, but this isn't all parents' blog.... this is Jayden & Ella's mom's blog.  So in my eyes, and in my world they are the best thing that God has put on this earth.

Parenting is so challenging and patience is such a hard thing to have, but tonight as I looked at my children I knew patience is the one thing they deserve more from me than anything else.  Pregnant or not, hormonal or not, messy house or not.... these kids deserve patience.  And patience is exactly what I've been lacking during this pregnancy.

Sometimes I really don't feel like I'm the best mom.  I know there's no "best" mom out there, and compared to people who leave their children to go party, leave them at daycare all day while working just to pick them up and drop them off somewhere else, because they can't handle them and would rather pawn them off onto someone else ~ I'm a heck of a lot better than that, but I'm just feeling sucky.  Morning sickness really has a way of messing up your everything in life.  The exhaustion of pregnancy makes you feel completely helpless, and have food aversions makes everything even worse.

But I have to remember, that I am a good mom.  These kids are the entire center of my world and they are why I do everything I do in my life.  I really hope that their memories of their childhood consists of good ones, and I'm making it my ultimate goal for them to remember their mom as an excellent mom.

While life has been a bit hard through this pregnancy, this too shall pass.  My pregnancy with Ella wasn't the easiest, and I actually threw up every day of it ~ but that's not what I dwell on, and that's not strong in Jayden's memories.

~I love my children 

when they're sleeping soundly and life is calm and quiet, 

I stare at them and pray to God to give me what my children need... 

patience, love, understanding and faith 

most of all faith.~

12 Weeks, 4 Days and counting!

This pregnancy is going really well. We're already in the 2nd trimester and my throwing up is finally coming to a halt (thanks so much to the drugs my OB prescribed me). Between the throwing up and my complete loss of an appetite to any food that isn't a fruit or a vegetable has put my weight gain to a whopping -10 lbs. YUP ~ I've lost 10 pounds this pregnancy... and I'm not complaining!


We've been fortunate to see the baby a few times already throughout this pregnancy, and the latest was yesterday. And I fell head over heels IN LOVE! The baby was moving all around and had its hands above its head ~ complete cuteness! I even have a picture here for you to see.


Ella is completely convinced that it's a boy, I'm convinced it's a girl, and Jayden's praying it's a boy. Gino doesn't care... he just wants his cuddle bear here.


So, here's the u/s pic from yesterday. If you look you can see the head, the body the baby's arms over its head and you can even see its little fingers. Pure love coming from this mama's heart!

Jayden's Baptism

We believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that children are innocent and do not fully understand the difference between right and wrong until they reach the age of 8. Baptism is for the remission of sins, and a very special ordinance between Heavenly Father and yourself. We wait to baptize until the age of 8, because before this age you really haven't sinned, or understand what commitments you are making with Heavenly Father.

With that being said.... on April 10,2010 Jayden entered the waters of baptism, and it was such a wonderful and special day. We had the honor of having my Grandfather, Jayden's Great-Grandfather come up from California and baptize him. It was absolutely special!

We had great friends that all showed up to witness this special day for Jayden. We sang a couple of his favorite primary songs and had delicious chocolate cake afterwards. One thing I'll never forget is when he stepped into the baptismal font he says "HOT!" and then after he got baptized he actually started swimming in the water! Oh that boy keeps me laughing.

Jayden & his Great-Grandpa

I'm so proud of you, Jayden, for the decision that you have made.  I know that the decision that you made was the right one, and I know in my heart that this church is true.... and I'm so proud of you for taking this journey to discover it on your own.  I love you so much and I hope that you always follow your heart and listen to the Holy Spirit, because he will NOT steer you wrong.... I can promise you that.  Your relationship with Heavenly Father is such a personal one, and I hope you strive to strengthen it and grow closer and closer to him and soak in his teachings.  I love you so much.  Love, Mama

Mission Monkey

I have a very happy life.

My children and us are healthy, happy and I feel we are extremely blessed.

This can change in the blink of an eye though.

Meet Monkey. Life was normal just a couple weeks ago. Then her mom found a lump, then was told her 16 month old baby has cancer.

Life changed.  And I can't stop thinking about how one second life can be good, the next so bad.

I'm giving my babies more hugs and kisses and thanking God more for my blessings, but knowing that life can't always go as we have planned.  We have to embrace what good is going on in our lives at the moment.  I can't dwell on the past, I can't dwell on relationships that haven't worked.

I can just be thankful for my current blessing, my current happiness, because tomorrow it can all be gone.

To follow Monkey's story you can head over to Michelle's blog {Momma's Pixie Dreams} offer her your support, prayers and love as she ventures into a journey of cancer with her child.... it's not right, it's not fair.

Pour Your Heart Out - Norm's Passing

This post is a weird one... I didn't write all I wanted to, and maybe put things in it that I didn't want to.

When I was 6 a man entered my family's life that would forever change it. The sad thing is I don't have the best of memories about him. He was actually a mean, miserable old man that was obsessed with working. He ruined holidays and made things down right miserable. He was wealthy and stingy and gave to strangers before family. Things I never truly understood, but he wasn't put on this earth for me to understand. He was my Grandma's husband.

But as I grew older I appreciated him more and the things that he had done for me. I even asked him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, because what other constant man did I have in my life? I know that it meant a lot to him to be able to give me away.

I remember when I was young... like junior high or younger young and my uncle Bryane was graduating from high school. We had made a comment about how amazing it would be if Norm was still alive when I graduated high school. He was diagnosed with leukemia many years ago, even before my grandma and him got married. He's cheated death more times than I ever imagined anybody would, and lived a very long 86 years of life. He died a death that was miserable and definitely not something that I would ever wish on anyone. Cancer ate away his body and money ate away his soul.

In his final years I spent a lot of time with him.  He actually came to Oregon last summer (ack I believe ~ may have been the summer before....see where my mind is going?!) He stayed about a mile away from me in a retirement community and I definitely enjoyed my time with him.  I would pick him up and go out to dinner, always Olive Garden {a family favorite} and would go rub lotion on his feet.  I actually really started to know him through his time here.  The one thing that made me feel good, is he was never nice to people wherever he would go, but he was never mean to me.  He loved me, and in a weird way I loved him too.

My family is in major turmoil right now.  So many people aren't talking to each other, and Norm dying has put a few things in perspective for ME.  I no longer have the energy for the he said she said crap that goes on in this family.  A man I never thought would die, died.  I'm sure that things will be getting real ugly in our family over his death.  I'm grateful that I'm not a part of it.  

I did make a phone call to my grandma who I don't really talk to anymore.  It was nice to talk to her, and hope that we can continue a relationship that is minus crap and drama and business.  I don't have it in me anymore to fight with anybody in my family.  If they want a part of my life I'm here, if they don't that's their problem.... not mine.  I've found happiness without all of them.  I know that sounds harsh, but with my family it's not.  

So, I will not be attending Norm's funeral.  There's so much else going on behind the scenes that I really want no part of and instead will be doing something in his honor that will be remembering him and his life.  I pray that he has found peace, because there wasn't much of it in his life on this earth.  He accomplished many great things, but the man never stopped.... even on his death bed.

Norm, I want you to know that I do appreciate the things that you did for me when you were on this earth.  While I don't have the best of memories, I do have some good ones and I'll always treasure those.  I'm so happy that you are no longer suffering and dealing with the chaos.  

**My favorite known fact about Norm is that he was friends with Frank Sinatra**   

Oh Hi! And BIG NEWS!

I make a comeback to my blog bearing news. I've stayed offline for a while due to the fact that my computer makes me sick.  It's really hard to look at the screen.  And if you're not on my facebook, you missed the announcement yesterday where I told everybody that I am 10 weeks pregnant. And devastatingly sick with morning sickness. I even checked myself into the hospital last Wednesday for a couple bags of much needed fluids, and left with a much needed prescription to Zofran.

While I've been gone from internet land I've been keeping a mental note of things that I need to blog. And at the top of that list is Jayden's baptism. So, I'm working on that post and might even get it up tonight. Here's a little low down of what's been going on in my world.....

We spent last weekend on the Oregon Coast. We even had a beautiful room w/a jacuzzi tub on the balcony overlooking the ocean. It was a much needed mini vacation ~ and it was a total relaxation trip so not one beach picture was taken!

A man that has been in my life and actually gave me away at my wedding, a man that stood as the only father figure (in a weird sense) in my life passed away last week. A blog post on this is in the works.

Honestly... other than the above, nothing exciting has really gone on here. Gino has taken the word rockstar husband to a whole new level and has pretty much stepped in as the mother/housewife around these parts since I've been feeling so crappy. I'm hoping that in 2 weeks when the 2nd trimester starts that the morning sickness goes away and that I get some energy....... oh how I really, REALLY miss energy.