They're all leaving....

Remember when we moved to Oregon and it was just us. There was no stresses, we were just peaceful and happy. Well, we're moving in that direction once again. Mitch is moving out tomorrow. He found a room to rent!!!!! Very happy about this. My Grandma is leaving today, and I'm hoping that after the winter she moves back here so we can set up the office at her house. Norm should be leaving w/in the next couple of weeks.

I AM GOING TO BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's only Tuesday, and I wanted to voice a couple of my goals for the week.

2 Loads of laundry/day - includes folding & putting away
A/P filed in my new cute hot pink & blue filing totes (I have a sick obsession w/office supplies)
Norm's bills paid
All deposits in the mail
Brochure completed
Home cooked meal EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

Those are very easy goals for me for the week.

Birthday party tomorrow!

It's 8:00pm and my kids are running wild around the house..... there's something majorly wrong with that. Most people w/kids my kids' age have them in bed between 7 & 8 - this is something I really need to work on.

Tomorrow is Jayden's first "real" birthday party. I say first "real" birthday party, because he's never had a birthday party where lots of kids come and you know..... all that fun stuff. So, we have about 9 kids coming tomorrow and he's REALLY excited. I am a little stressed out about it.... we're still going to church and I'll only have a few hours to get things together. I know it will all be good, but with my fun anxiety problem it has me a little stressed. My biggest stress is that we show up at the park and the picnic table area is already taken - THAT WOULD SUCK!

I've decided I'll do a post of Ella's birthday pics and Jayden's birthday pics - I'm a slacker and it's been over a month since Ella's birthday party and I still haven't shown pictures of it. She looked SO CUTE!

Surprise Baptism!

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? This is a question that I think we've all heard in our lives. I look at my life 5 years ago and it's nowhere where it's at right now. We've taken a roller coaster ride with more ups and downs than I ever imagined.

I didn't expect to be where I'm at right now. I didn't expect to be in such a "family" mode. I didn't expect to be staying home with my babies. I didn't even expect to have another child.

You know what I really didn't expect..... even a year ago? For my husband to have a baptism date. October 11, 2008 my husband is planning on getting baptized. I'm still in shock, but I'm so excited. I finally have a chance at going to the temple and getting my family sealed to each other, and I have gotta say that it is by far the most amazing feeling I've ever felt.

This all came on kindof sudden. Ever since Gino started going to church he liked it, but he was holding back. Really holding back. Then as we started the discussions it seemed like everything was going against us. Things would come up where we had to cancel our discussions, or Gino wouldn't feel like it. I was starting to lose hope. Then, a week ago, my Grandma invited the missionaries and us over for Gino's second discussion. He loved it. He loved learning about the priesthood, and when the missionaries asked if he would make a goal to be baptized by 10/18/08 Gino said Yes!

The missionaries came over last night and we made a plan to get the rest of the discussions done by next week so Gino can get baptized on the 11th.

I asked Gino last night while laying in bed if he was sure that this is what he wants. He might feel guilty if he drinks wine after he gets baptized, and he really should go into this with wanting to uphold all of the rules of the church, and he said that he's ready for it. He says he doesn't care about wine all that much, and he cares more about his health. Alcohol isn't good for high blood pressure.

5 years ago I never would have expected this. A year ago, I still wouldn't expect this.

Happy Birthday, Jayden

I really cannot believe that my little boy is already 7 years old. People always say to treasure every second, because it flies by so fast. Heck, I even tell people that, but I am noticing myself that it's flying by so much faster than I imagined.

You've grown into such an amazing little boy, and you shock me daily with the things that come out of your mouth.

I just want you to know today and always that you will ALWAYS be my baby boy and that I love you so much! I'm so proud of the wonderful boy and big brother that you've become.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!!

I miss her

I read something today on one of my friend's blogs and it really hit me. She too lost a baby girl in September 2006. She was talking of how she doesn't want people to forget her baby. I feel the same way. This year I was a little sad, because I mentioned to some people in my life that it was Mya's 2 year angel day, birthday, anniversary day - whatever... it's like they didn't even care. It's nothing to people, because they didn't love her like I did. They didn't feel her like I did. So, it's easy for them to just shrug it off and put it right out of their minds, because they've moved on. The sadness of the day my baby died is gone for them. It will never be gone from me. It seems like a blur, but my daughter is still dead and she's still very much a part of our family and a part of our hearts.

I love Mya just as much as I love Ella and Jayden. I miss Mya and I never got to hold her and that's one of my biggest regrets in life. I would have endured labor just to hug her once. Why didn't I choose that? Maybe God knew that I couldn't handle it. Maybe it's best that we never got to see who's features she was forming.

It's been 2 years 1 week & 6days since my baby went away.... I miss her so much.

Update on my brother

My brother got his job and this is his first week working. He hasn't been so bad to have around, but I still am ready for him to go. He's totally taken over Jayden's room, and that's by far the most irritating part. He doesn't do much around the house to help.

I feel really bad for his baby. My niece, Alana, is such a cute baby girl, and she's in the saddest situation. Her dad isn't around, and her mom parties, gets drunk and breastfeeds her. That alone KILLS me.

I wasn't the most perfect mom in the world with Jayden. Well, I was pretty darn close to it, but there was a year where I didn't make the best decisions. However, partying around your children is not okay. Breastfeeding while drinking is not okay. My heart is breaking for this little girl, and I'm helpless. There's nothing that I can do. She was supposed to bring Alana up here this month and now she's not. It's sad that I'll never know my niece. My kids will never know their cousin.

I'm not judging her, I'm just sad that I expected so much more out of her. I go on her myspace and cringe. All I can do is keep that baby in my prayers.

I'm offically a soccer mom

The only thing I'm missing in a mini van, and I REALLY want the new VW Minivan that's coming out or came out. It's awesome!

Jayden now is in Piano, Karate & Soccer. That's 3 days a week of activities for him. Yesterday was his first day of Karate and today is his first practice of soccer. I'm happy that he's involved in things that are keeping him busy and it makes me feel like a much better parent. I think it's because I'm not keeping him cooped up in the house so I can work or get things done.

He's doing so great in school this year! His first spelling test is tomorrow and we've been working hard on it. The words are cat, rat, map, am... so simple, but it's so cute to watch his little mind think really hard about sounding it out and finding those letters that make that word up.

I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud that he's trying his best at everything he's involved in. He's such a great kid and everyone that ever comes around him knows right away that he's so special, loving and amazing.

We're Back!!

The trip to Reno was AWESOME! Not so much being in Reno, but driving to Reno and home. We listened to Twilight on CD and Gino was finally brutally forced to understand what I've been talking about all this time. He likes it too. We're only half way through the book, so I anticipate either him reading the rest (don't see that happening) or us listening to the CD's in the house.

The seminar was actually a lot of fun. I learned a lot and my tenants are going to hate me, because by law there are certain things that have to be in the rental agreements that aren't. So, they'll all be having to resign rental agreements when they just did that 2 months ago. Sorry tenants

Gino and the kids just hung out in the room while I was in my seminar and watched movies. After I got out we went swimming in their gorgeous swimming pool. Then we ate a yummy buffet and went to see Ksee and the kids.

It was such a quick trip, but it was such a nice break to get out of here.

Today is going to be spent doing all the things I don't want to do.... I'm going to do laundry, organize the office so it's ready for some major work accomplishing on Monday, avoid the Harvest Festival going on outside (I know, terrible, terrible mom - but come on!), get grocery shopping done.

The Moon

I had to come on here and tell a funny story about Jayden. Every time we go up to my Grandparent's house that live here my Grandpa always leaves every day at 2:00pm to go to "The Moon". Now, what Jayden doesn't know is that "The Moon" is a bar where my Grandpa meets his brother and they drink and gamble. I choose to keep this little bit of info from Jayden.

So, Jayden thinks old Grandpa that lives on the hill is an astronaut.

Okay now to the funny story....

I asked Jayden last night what he wants to be when he grows up and he says, "I'm gonna be a missionary, you know, like the guys that come to our house." So sweet. Then I ask him about what he's going to do after he comes back and he says, "I'm gonna sell candy."

Lovely. So, I say, "But Jayden, you could be anything that you wanted. Even an astronaut."

Jayden's reply: "OH NO! MOM! I'm not gonna be old like Grandpa and go to the moon. I don't want to be old!"

Monday Babblings

It's Monday and I'm motivated. I have a new blackberry curve and it has me motivated. New gadgets always get me excited. I was laying in bed and I sat there with my phone in my hand and went into the tasks and put everything in there that I needed to get done. I love going through and checking things off that I've accomplished.

Another thing I LOVE about having a blackberry is I have constant access to the internet. I can go to LDS.org and read the ensign, study scriptures and so many other things.

I'm going to the park with my cousin for lunch today. Our little girls are 1 year and 2 days apart, so they're going to finally get together and play with each other. I really should be working my butt off today, but I really need to get out of the house and get some sanity back in my brain.

We're taking off on Wednesday for Reno. I have a seminar to go to, so I have so much stuff to accomplish before I go, so today and tomorrow I'm going to be SLAMMED BUSY. I have to meet with my Aunt Julie who is helping with taxes tomorrow so I have a lot to prepare there.

I want to work on personal goals with myself. I'm reflecting on who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. Some personal goals that I'm working on right now is building a stronger relationship with my husband. I have done a lot of reading on LDS.org and I've become inspired by the articles in the Ensign. I have a wonderful marriage, but I feel like it could be so much more. So, I'm taking the initiative and I'm going to start just working on myself to see what that brings. We as humans are so selfish, and I know that I'm extremely selfish. I'm always concerned with what 'I want and need'. I'm going to start focusing on what Gino wants and needs and actually really paying attention and trying to give to him.

I want to make him happy and I think him being really happy will make me happy.

Rude People

So, if you know me. I mean, really know me, you probably think I'm one of the most rudest people out there. I've actually improved SO much in this area. I'm making it a point to try and be pleasant - even *gasp* in the drive through.

It's funny how after I'm working on improving the way I present myself I notice other people's flaws in this area. People really are rude, and it's so unpleasant!

Last night we went out and got ice cream and then went to Fred Meyers to get Mya a balloon so that we could sign it and send it off to heaven. When we were leaving there was a cashier guy talking to another guy and then I guess he left right after we left. We were walking out to our car and I always open up my car door and put my purse and keys and then I open up Ella's door and put her in. Well, this guy walks out to his crappy, and I mean CRAPPY car and says (very rudely), "Can you shut your door?!" and I looked at him and kept my composure and replied with, "As soon as I put my daughter in the car." Then he says, "Don't scratch my car!"

Okay, wow. First off I think I'd be a little more careful with my car being that it's a lot newer than his, and what a jerk! So, he starts to back up and I thought Screw this guy. I turned around and flipped him off. I know, not very Mormon or nice of me, but he was such a jerk! He was so into watching me that he didn't see the car behind him and slammed into it.

Lesson of the day ~ negative energy creates negativity. I had a good laugh and got in my car and drove off. The guy felt so stupid he wouldn't even look at us after that. That makes me just want to be pleasant and never rude to anyone ever again. I've noticed that when I'm in that frame of mind that he was in negative things always happened to me.

2 Years Ago Today - It's our Mya Day

2 years ago today I walked into my house and smelt so good. My husband was making me tacos, because that's what my baby girl loved. I was wearing this cute green maternity tank top, and I had just driven in traffic with blurry eyes. Blurry from crying them out.

It's amazing how you remember such little things. I remember the nurse handing me a Kleenex box to take home and let me sit in the room until the waiting room had cleared out. My appointment was at 4:30pm, which was at the end of the day.

I had such high hopes for this precious soul inside of me. She was a blessing and I was so excited to have her join my family. That day, 2 years ago, my heart was crushed with the worst, devastating news I could have ever imagined. Mya was dead.

Tonight I'm sad. I'm sad that I didn't get her balloons, because I feel like Gino needs to be a part of it, and he works. He works all weekend long. I still should have done something with the kids to remember their sister.

This is a day I dread every year, and I probably will dread it all the years to come. I just wish that I could have both Mya & Ella, and I know that's not possible, but I still wish. I have come to terms with Mya's death, and I have begun to understand that without her leaving me, I'd never get to see one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. I'd never get kisses from the most beautiful girl I'd ever layed eyes on. I'd never know or love Ella. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Today, Mya, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart soul. I will always love you and I hope that in heaven they have angel days, because you deserve it. Okay, now I'm so sad that I'm going to the store and buying you balloons. I'll have them just in time to send them off when your daddy gets home. If they do have angel days you have to have something from your family, that loves you and thinks of you all the time.

Happy Angel Day, my angel.

Love, Mama

Wii Fit

A few weeks ago I bought Nintendo Wii. Yesterday was the first day that I actually worked my butt out on it. Today, my abs are sore. This could only mean one thing.......... I THINK IT WORKS!!!! It also means that I'm really out of shape for my abs to be hurting ~ I hardly did any ab work. New goal. Every morning I am dedicating myself workout on the wii.

Case is dropped

Surprise, surprise. The case against me has been dropped. I can't wait until his executor and bank get the news that their little plot didn't work out.

Now we are back to living life with one less stress!

First Day of 1st Grade

I remember when they handed Jayden to me. He peed on me. I didn't care. I just looked at him and though 'He's so beautiful.' He was this perfect baby. So perfect it scared me. He was beautiful, he was so good.

Yesterday I took him to his first day of 1st Grade. This beyond Kindergarten, we're in the numbers now. It's almost like a countdown, or should I say up to when my baby will be leaving me.

Here are pictures of his first day ~ Gino was at work, so he there's no pictures of Jayden and me or Gino and him.

Finally after waiting all summer he saw his girlfriend. I got a picture of them seeing each other for the first time ~ I know, I'm a nerdy mom!

We Figured It Out

All because of one of Ella's medical bills. I swear OHSU creates a million different accounts and one of them was mailed to our old address. Therefore, it never got paid. Then it got turned over to Oregon Department of Revenue and we got a letter from them regarding the hospital bill. Norm offered to pay Ella's medical bills, as that's why there's a trust. The trust is for college, a down payment on a home or medical bills. Per Norm, I wrote all of Ella's medical bills out of his checking account, which I am an authorized signer for.

Norm's bank has nothing better to do than watch his accounts. They saw a check to Department of Oregon Revenue and called in the authorities. They lady who's investigating me told my grandma on the phone today that I wrote Oregon taxes out of his account. Guess what State of Oregon, I have backup that it wasn't for fricking taxes. It was for a medical bill! I can't wait to throw it in their stupid faces.

UGH.

I think I should sue his bank for harassment. I'm happy that Norm will be taking his stuff out of that bank, however, this just shows me that crap that comes along with Norm. I'll still be there for him and I'll do his accounts receivable, but I don't think I want to have to worry about every thing I do. I'm going to have to turn the bills over to Norm and hope that my Grandma can help him with them.

1st Grade Homework Ideas

It's Works for Me Wednesday and instead of me telling you what works for me this week I'm going to ask for some advice on something that I'd like to work for me. It's a backwards edition of Works for me Wednesday.

My son started 1st Grade today and for homework we as parents get to choose what to do with our kids and fill out a log. We never send in the completed homework, we just send back in the homework log.

I'm looking for some creative and fun homework ideas that I can do with my little guy.

There's lots going on over at Rocks in My Dryer that you should go check out!!

Inspiration from the Bishop

On Monday night we went to a Fireside at the Bishop's house. He was putting it on for the missionaries, and our missionaries invited Gino and I. So, we dragged my Grandma along with me. I know she didn't want to go, and honestly, Gino didn't want to go either, but they're both happier than you could imagine that they did go.

The Fireside was on his trip that he takes to Israel. The trip that my Grandma and Gino were supposed to go on, but this year they won't be going. Hopefully next year they'll get to go. The presentation was amazing. Our Bishop is the most spiritual, inspiring person I have met yet. His passion floors you.

I think it was kinda cool how he showed some scenarios that prove the Book of Mormon to be true. I guess I could write about the main one that was so amazing. They discovered a cave in the town of Lehi. Inside the cave there were ancient writing on the wall and they had an archeologist come in and analyze the writings. He determined them to be from 600 B.C. and that they talked of predictions of Jerusalem being destroyed and it had a sail boat and 4 men w/strong legs. The archeologist was confused as there was no large body of water near enough for a boat and he had a hard time putting it all together.

The archeologist went to the University of Utah where he got wind of the the story Nephi talks about in 1 Nephi. He was shocked and said, "Hey! How do you know that? Where does that story come from?" They handed him a Book of Mormon and he read the story and said, "Oh my gosh! This is it!!! This is the story in the cave!"

Hearing that story from the Bishop alone had chills all over me. My Grandma wants to meet with him once a week, and so does Gino. I'm sure he doesn't have the time for something like that, but it sure would be nice.

It was inspiring. I left wanting to be a better person. I left wanting to try harder to read the scriptures. I left happy with my decision to be right where I'm at in my life right now. I'm not perfect, and I'll never be perfect. However, I'm trying really hard, and I'm happy with that. I feel blessed that I'm a part of a ward with humble people. People that have not judged me and people who have loved to see how much the church is slowly changing my family's life.

I have put my BOM reading on hold, and it's going to stay on hold for a little bit longer. I'm going to start reading with Gino from the beginning. Then once I get to where I left off on my BOM blog I'll continue writing.

Doctor Visit Breakdowns

Let's start off with her 1 year checkup. She's highly advanced, growing perfectly and a devil child. Yes, my doctor called her a devil child. It's okay though, he saved her life so he can call her whatever he'd like. She's 21.5 lbs and 30 In. long.

Things she's doing.... eating EVERYTHING. She actually is quite obsessed with food, which is a little bit of a worry for me, but she loves veggies which makes me happy! She's learned how to throw fits, which is no fun. We're going to try the ignoring technique and see if it works. She still loves to dance, so as soon as I can get her into dancing she'll be in it. I think I already said before that she's off the bottle ~ she's been off of it for about a month (maybe a little more) now. She loves video games and loves to turn the video games off when people (daddy and brother) are playing them. She loves buttons to press, especially if they turn off things so that she can look at everyone with a satisfied smile.

Things Ella says: See, Jay, Benjamin (this is new), bye, mine, mama, dad, please, working on thank you, all done.... I think there's more but I can't think of any more.

I haven't updated with a video or pictures lately and I'm a total loser for that. Sorry.

Cardiologist appointment was today and I must say her doctor is such a sweet man! The girl who was getting her stats was looking at her and said, has she been in this hospital before? Did she go into SVT? I told her, yeah, when she was 7 weeks old. She said that she was in the room when they shocked her heart. She said she'd never seen anything like it before. They weren't very hopeful that day, because nothing would get her heart rate down. So scary.

Anyways, so the doctor came in and said that if the EKG comes back good then he wants me to cut her medicine in half for 1 week and then the following week completely stop. Then he'd want a holter monitor on her for 24 hours to see what her heart is up to. I got nervous. The thought of Ella not having her protective shielding medicine had my anxiety up a little. EKG showed there's still WPW, so we just continue on with what we're doing and we'll be back to see him in 6 months.